I’m not really sure where life is going at the moment.
I’ve had a few days lately where I’ve been depressed and haven’t felt motivated to do much of anything. I still manage to go to my classes, but then I feel worse because I’m just pushing aside what’s on my mind.
In classes, I dread critiques because I’m afraid that my art isn’t going to be seen as creative enough, that my style isn’t enough. Sometimes I get the feeling that I’m creating work that my teachers like, not necessarily work that will make me a better artist, work that I can learn from. I feel more motivated to create when there are no constraints. Yet I get more work done when I work under a deadline.I do realize that as an illustrator, I’m going to have to conform to a certain subject or style that a future client likes.
I’m still not talking to many people in my classes. I find myself thinking ‘If you want to talk to me, that’s cool, but if you don’t, that’s fine as well.’ I used to hate being alone but I’m learning to embrace it now, it’s helping me to chill out. I have met some new people, and they’ve been great. Honestly I think I meet more people at shows than I do at school, it’s strange.
A few times it has crossed my mind to leave, but I realize that wouldn’t solve anything; in the past running away from things has just made them worse. I don’t want to slip into old habits again.
I’m missing someone a great deal and they have no idea; it feels like a part of me is missing. It’s been interfering with my ability to carry on with work.
It’s strange, but I think another part of it is the fact that I’ll be 21 in a month or two, and I’m over analyzing if I’ve really done everything that I have wanted to, all the things that I could have done. I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot of things, I’ve overcome a lot of obstacles, but I always feel like I’ve never done enough.
I’m just going to have to deal with things; I think it’s important to keep reminding myself that there’s always someone out there who’s going to be worse off.
On the other hand, the fall weather makes me feel energized when I get in a slump. When I start drawing, or pick up my guitar, I really get immersed into the activity. This also goes for listening to music. Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of ambient music, music that when I close my eyes creates the sensation of floating through space. Folk music is something that I’ve been listening to a lot of lately as well; it reminds me of traveling or walking through a forest, so I associate many positive memories with the music.
I’m also really surprised to see the positive reactions that some of my art has been getting. It made my day when I saw that people were interested in me mailing them some of my art. I’ve also been getting some positive reactions from some of my professors in classes, comments that I never would have expected to get. I’m starting to gain more confidence in my work, and I’m really starting to believe that I could have a career in illustration. The anticipation is killing me! My work is becoming much more personal, it’s starting to have a voice of its own. I can’t wait until I get into thesis year so I can build up a portfolio that is reflective of who I am. it’s going to be a lot of work, but I’m willing to go for it.
“I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape — the loneliness of it — the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it — the whole story doesn’t show.”— Andrew Wyeth (via ghostlyautumn)
I’d like to get to know you guys! Fill out this mini questionnaire if you like, and leave answers in my ask box :) cerridwens-hawk asked: * Name: Jalene * Favorite color: Baked Apple red or Jade * Age: 23 * Country: Canada * Favorite band: I can never decide between my top 3: Beck/Deftones/Glassjaw (or whatever Darryl Palumbo is doing) * What’s your favorite thing(s) to do: Go to concerts (particularly smaller shows with local artists), photo adventures, jog, read, OBE, and practice reiki. * Something you wanna tell me/ask me: You probably knew most of this since I’ve posted it enough but I figured I’d fill it out anyway: I really liked your rendition of that Isis cover. You’re a really cool chic :D
I too enjoy going to shows (I need to check out some more local ones), and photo adventures and reading! You’ll have to tell me some more about reiki, it sounds intriguing!
Thanks very much! I’m glad you liked my cover, hopefully I will have some better covers up in the future ^^
Name: Caitlin; Cait Favorite color: if I REALLY had to choose, usually purple. Age: 20 Country: US Favorite band: it varies, mostly jack off jill, placebo, and RHCP right now What’s your favorite thing to do: write to my penpals! and take pics of my kids :) Something you wanna tell me/ask me: erm, idk I can’t th ink of anything right now :(
I still have to send out your letter! :]
kevinsialater asked: name: kevin favourite colour: red! age: 17 country: canada favourite band: does favourite artist count? cuz that would definitely be Flying Lotus for me what’s your favourite thing to do: play jazz piano something you wanna tell/ask me: you’ve got a killer taste in music, you already know haha.
Red’s my favourite too! haha. I think it’s awesome that you play the piano! I have a keyboard at home, but I’ve never been able to get the hang of it. And thanks a lot :)